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September 24, 2018

ELMS Rd 2 – Sun, Sausages, Spectacular

ELMS Rd 2 – Sun, Sausages, Spectacular

Everything is better in the sun, isn’t it? Not the tabloid unless you like insightful political comment from busty Brenda, 22.

Last Sunday’s second round of the ELMS Championship visited Imola and was bathed in sunshine. Warmth on the paddock has a similar effect to warming up a petri dish of sperm – lots of male DNA buzzing around in circles at an increased speed, knowing they are aiming for something but frequently getting side-tracked.

The GT races produced a race worthy of the best Italian opera with the heroes still battling as the fat lady hit her first note.

In the GTE class it was all about the Ferraris again at the business end of the timings. The Kessels, AF Corses, JMW, Team Sofrev-ASP, AT Racing were all in the mix though Cressoni’s first stint in the #81 Kessel stood him out from the crowd as he blistered to a commanding lead in the opening hours of the race.

And don’t think the GTE class were hogging the GT limelight, as in the GTC class it was equally as engaging, and as ‘Ferrari-ful’, as the Formula Racing guys fended their lead from a duo of hungry SMPs.

What did become apparent throughout the opening hours though was today’s inanimate object of note would be the kerbs. Referred to as all manner of deceased law enforcers the description soon turned to sausages. The (as usual) awesome commentary of Radio Le Mans was dropping in ‘sausages’ like a cheap buffet and unsurprisingly my mind wandered and imagine sausages appearing at will which means only one thing for my generation – the opening credits to Grange Hill.Imola Sausage
I then wondered if it was culturally insensitive to say sausage and we should say salami. Which made me think at Round 3 at Red Bull Ring it would be Wurst. Which made me think of Conchita Wurst. Which made me think of Stephane Ratel in a frock singing, which made me think ‘how do you unthink something?’

Thankfully the track action saved my mind from such Orwellian images as a relatively brief safety car period was required after a case of ‘kerbicide’. A man aimed with his Black and Decker cordless drill had to dart on and fix down one of the wandering ‘sausages’ that had been clipped onto the track but as we went back to green the #81 Kessel still had a sizable lead in GTE.

That meant activate the Bertolini, who took over for the final stint in the #72 SMP Racing Ferrari and began taking chunks out of what many would have considered a sit back and chill lead for the Kessel.

All Action at Imola ELMSEager to also make it on the podium were the JMW boyband trio of George, Danny M and Danny Z. The two young Brits of George Richardson and Daniel McKenzie had both put in impressively mature stints to hand the car over to Roman Daniel Zampieri in a great position to make third.

Meanwhile in GTC the #60 Formula Racing team continued to resist the heat from the SMPs, as it went to prove that ‘four hours good’ and don’t expect the new longer races to provide lulls for going and making a cup of tea. They were coming home for a victory literally swimming in sweat.

And then, in the final *grabs calculator* 0.002% of the race, boom and Bertolini was through to secure a Kessel victory in breath-taking style.

I bet those people who say sportscar racing is boring feel pretty dumb now!

Now let’s have a quick sojourn to Le Mans and meet back here in our best leather shorts for ELMS Round 3 from Austria.

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